Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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