he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
