When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
