i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize