I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
