Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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