sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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