You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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