youre lurking in front of me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
