Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
