They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
