38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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