I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
