was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
