I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
