Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
