maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
