im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
