I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize