Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
