please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
