We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
