Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
