Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
