I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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