Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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