Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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