And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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