dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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