So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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