Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize