Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
