So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
