his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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