I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
