the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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