I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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