Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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