sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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