well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just crazy horny about you
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
