my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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