and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
