How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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