I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
