I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
