watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
