I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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