I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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