i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
