get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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