cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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