He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
