please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize