only if we run a train.
done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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