he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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