rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
