actually, I'm a sock model
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
