Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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