We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
