ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I look better un-naked...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
