got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize