last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
