yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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