i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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